Update.

Student teaching is done. I know I sort of stopped posting here, but it's because I really had no time. Unfortunately, it was all for naught, as I didn't pass.

I went into science teaching because I had this amazing passion for science, and wanted to share with the world how amazing this stuff was. I was placed in a middle school in a rural area, and found that for the most part, students really didn't care. They were not self motivated, and the main focus became classroom management.

I am terrible at classroom management. I knew I would be, which was why I chose to try middle school first, hoping that by throwing myself to the lions, I would somehow survive and be better off for it. That was a mistake.

I was inconsistent on discipline, I became overwhelmed and missed stuff, I froze up and forgot the details of everything I had planned, and tended to be hyperfocused, meaning I often was very bad at juggling 20 things at once. The kids realized they could throw me off, and lost respect for me completely, and I lost what little control I had over the classroom. It was just bad.

So, that's it. I'm a terrible teacher. My ability to teach is good, but my ability to manage middle schoolers isn't. It's really frustrating, as I feel that both the students and I lost some amazing opportunities to do science, but very early on I lost a lot of faith in them- I did a DNA extraction lab, which was fairly advanced for their grade level, but I thought it would be a good experience for them to do a bit of real science. Well, after informing the students that they were not to drink the chemicals as they were toxic, one of the students did, and threw up. I lost a lot of hope at that point, and just decided to stay with more safe activities, and basing everything around the standards.

Still, the problems kept on getting worse and worse, and I got observed on a Friday the 13th, with my worst class. The observer told me that it wasn't going to work out, and I was placed back into a supportive role in the classroom, and my student teaching career was ended. I will not be getting my teaching certificate this year.

So, that leaves me in a very frustrating position. I realize that I lack many of the skills a teacher needs, so I question whether or not I should pursue student teaching again next year. The possibility of sub teaching for a while has been brought up, but most of the districts now require all subs to have a teachers cert, due to the overpopulation of unemployed teachers. If I am able to get a job as a sub teacher, I would possibly consider doing student teaching again, assuming I was getting better at classroom management. However, if that isn't working out, I'm looking at some other options.

No matter what the case, I intend to finish my masters degree. I'm practically done with it, I need a handful of classes, and then I will have the degree. However, the real conundrum is what I do after that. If I can't teach, that severely limits the possibilities for employment. There are textbook publishers, corporate trainers, and various administrative positions, but the competition for such jobs is insane.

One possibility that has been coming up more often than not is pursuing another MEd, and possibly a PhD, in school psychology. I have my BA in Psych, and over four years of children's mental health experience. If I were to do the school psychologist route, it would mean more schooling, but one thing I have realized is that I love being a student. I'm very good at it, and I'm honestly happiest when I'm learning and working with complicated, theoretical things. And a possible implication there is that perhaps I need to find a niche, where I can simply be an expert on something complicated. Chances are the best way to go about that is pursuing even more education, and throwing myself even further into debt.

Still, I stand by something my mother, a neurospecialist, told me- She started out as a floor nurse in a hospital, and was miserable, mediocre, and just bad. It sounds a lot like my student teaching experience. Eventually, she got her masters, and is now a movement disorder specialist, and is incredibly happy with her work. She, knowing me fairly well, things I'm exactly the same way- I need to just have my little niche where I can get away with being a bit of an odd absent minded scientist type, because, in the end, I know my stuff.

In any case, my goal for the next few months is to get in touch with people involved in various areas I'm interested in, and possibly pursue some internships or job shadows. I also hope to find some work doing research, as most graduate programs like to see that.

So, it looks like I'm back on square 1 again. I've learned a lot about my weaknesses and strengths, which is good. Still, this has been a pretty major blow, and despite all attempts to stay positive about it, I can't help but feel a bit down about it all. That, and I just lost another grandparent. This year has been very bad for grandparents- I have lost three this year, at a rate of one per three months, almost like clockwork. The one that just went was a huge inspiration to me, a teacher turned college professor and war hero. I wanted to follow in his footsteps to some degree, although since he died I've realized that the reason he became a college professor wasn't because he was a teacher, it was because he was a genius at something. If I want to do that (which I do, I would love to teach at a college level, the idea of being able to get as abstract as I want and have consistently motivated and mentally capable students appeals to me greatly), I have to become great at something, so I suppose that is my next step, figure out what my passion is.

Thankfully, I have a head start on that- psychology. During my 4 years working in mental health, I got burned out. Rightfully so, the job was a mix of social worker and mental health worker, and was emotionally exhausting. Still, the problem was that it was a simple job- I was working in the trenches, and didn't really get to do any real counseling or psychoanalysis, the cool, interesting stuff. Having realized that, I want to get back to my dream of becoming a psychologist, one I had forgotten about after the burnout, and start my path towards fixing people's minds.

Anyway, that's where I am now. The world is open, and that's a very scary thought.

-P.

Well then.

So, I've been student teaching full time. It's like, week 4 or 5 in, and I'm really tired all the time. It's one of the most rewarding, purposeful, and fulfilling things I've done in my life, but at the same time I am also staying at the school till 4-6pm, arriving an hour early often, and waking up at around 5am. I make a ton of mistakes, but I learn from them, and am slowly becoming a decent teacher. Not a great teacher, that probably takes years at least, but I have an awesome cooperating teacher who has very high expectations of me. Which I like.

This is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. It is also by far the most stressful. I have next to zero free time, and I'm always somehow behind. At the same time, I'm also learning a lot of cool time saving tricks- google calendar with attachments is my latest one. It's great, I can LP from anywhere.

In any case, I've got things to do. I'll probably post a massive entry at the end of this ordeal.

-P.

Busy at teaching.

So, I'm in the midsts of week three of student teaching. Last week I got spring break, which was a much needed vacation, but frankly, I already need another, it feels like. I'm really getting into the full swing of student teaching, and the stress level is ridiculously high. I'm pretty much in survival mode all the time, it seems like, and then things just get more stressful. But at the same time, I do feel like I'm getting better, despite the cognitive load being massive.

I'm realizing I have a lot of problems as a teacher. But then again, that's what student teaching is for, to iron out those problems enough that you can become a real teacher. It's molding me into an entirely new species, and the process is exhausting and can seem almost traumatic at times. This is the hardest I have ever had to work, and despite me spending almost every waking moment either at the school or at my computer working on LPs, I still suck. Usually I'm able to master skills easily, and gain competency with ease, but this, this is genuinely challenging. I'm trying to think of it neurologically, like I'm just building the massive amount of connections needed to handle such a stimulating and mentally challenging job, and that helps a little, but at the end of the day, I still am faced with the reality that I didn't teach a certain topic as well as I should have.

But I must march on, and remember that I will improve. I'll post more when I have time.

-P.

The calm.

So, I have just completed my first full week of student teaching. The previous week I had a day off for a career fair, but this week I was there all 5 days, teaching 3-5 periods a day, usually around 4. I ran lessons, I disciplined kids, I learned a lot.

I'm now on spring break, which is very nice. I'm going to try to go on a little vacation to Portland at some point, but aside from that, I intend to lay low as much as possible and recouperate, maybe get some lesson planning done for the next two months. I've already planned two units out, and am working on the other two for science, whereas with math I'm a bit lost. I've planned a few lessons out, but due to my background and familiarity with science education, it's not nearly as easy.

My cooperating teacher has been giving me a lot of really good advice, and I've been doing my best to take it. The honeymoon phase has ended, and many of the kids seem rather neutral towards me, rather than the polite, pleasant youths I had gotten to know. I'm now witnessing all the different ways kids try to screw with teachers, which is... Exhausting. In fact, everything about teaching is exhausting at this stage. It's a very tiring job- I come home, and I just want to sleep. Some days I have a chance to, other days I go to meetings and make it home after 7. Still, there's a sense of purpose to it all, and a real want to make the educational experience as positive as possible for the kids- if it isn't, it'll be harder for everybody.

I have learned a lot of lessons, but I'll keep them off till another time. Right now, I'm just glad I survived my first week, and while I need this vacation, I really can't wait to get back into it. Also, I have recently found a goldmine of cool science videos and stuff, which, if I have time to filter through, I might post here. For those of you familiar with SA (somethingawful), they have a science thread on GBS. It's pretty cool.

Also, reading The World is Open and Uncovering Student Ideas in Science. Good stuff.

-P.

Student teachings.

So, I'm student teaching full time now. It's going well- today went amazingly well. Yesterday, I practically lost control of two periods, and just managed to finish everything. Every day I'm getting better, but there are still really awful periods to remind me that I've still got things to learn, which I am becoming more and more aware of on a daily basis.

A few things-
Let kids own their learning. Instead of doing regular notes for the immune system, one of the cooler body systems, I had them help me write a story about a gang of (they came up with the bad guys) who had a war with the police force. The students owned the story, and then I gave them the opportunity to just copy down the notes and summarize how the parts of the immune system work, or to make a story, comic, picture, etc, that got the gist of it down.

They owned it. It was amazing. They were motivated, and I saw some amazing work coming out of them that showed really strong understanding. Ironically, the students who tend to not get it as strongly did the generic notes, whereas many of the students who are either unmotivated or do the best academically did really amazing work. While I like foldable lecture notes, I'm thinking I should give them an option to design their own learning creatively more. It was my cooperating teacher who kind of spurred me in this direction, and she was wise to do so, as it is really helping me break free and find out my own teaching style, and how to make it effective.

Next thing is to eat well. I'm saying this on a grumbling stomach, but that's because I wasted a bunch of time catching up with family, which is a whole different type of self care. Still, I notice a major difference between me being well fed and me starving- although at the same time, I'm very worried about putting on weight as I don't have as much exercise time as I once did. That being said, I weigh 135 lbs last I checked, so I'm probably okay. Teaching really takes a lot of energy, and one of the things I'm noticing is I'm a pacer- I am constantly using proximity as a classroom management tool, and I really enjoy being dynamic and moving all around the classroom, it keeps the kids on their toes.

There are simple things, too- pause before picking on the first person that raised there hand. You always get the enthusiastic boy that loves to answer stuff, but after a few seconds, you might get someone else. Another thing, if a student asks a question, don't address them directly. Tell the entire class what they just said, so you don't lose them. It took me a while to realize that, but it's painfully obvious.

I wish I had a list of these painfully obvious things.

Anyway, I need to sleep.

-P.

Student teaching.

This marks the end of my first week of full time student teaching. It's been a blur, and it hasn't even been a full week, as Thursday I went to a job fair. Even so, it's been exhausting, and a massive learning experience, despite it being one of the hardest weeks of my life.

Wednesday, I had classes fall apart. They barely got their notes done, and in one class, they didn't even get to that. I was nervous, I couldn't get control, and it was just a mess. However, today, I managed to yell. I've been afraid to use my voice, as I am a very soft spoken person, but I managed to raise it enough to grab their attention, and continue the lesson. I hate doing that, as it feels like using a grenade when the problem is solvable by a few well aimed strikes, but it worked. The classes got where they needed to be, and while they were shocked to hear nice Mr. J yelling, they got the work done. I need to get better at this, though, as raising my voice really kills it. Hell, just talking at a moderate volume for too long does that, so I'll just have to be careful.

The job fair went very well. I went in with my online education viewpoint, and with a few districts that had online education, networked very well. In fact, one gentleman from Tacoma tracked me down and we had a chat- it's a good sign when they're trying to find you. My goal for this weekend is to update my resume on all the online stuff.

I'm frankly exhausted. I was so stressed out earlier this week I got a nosebleed, and there have been other physiological symptoms of stress popping up. I can't wait for spring break, as even though today went very well, I need some time to decompress not only from the first few weeks of student teaching, but both my grandparents dying and finals week. One more week, one more week.

In the mean time, here's a science flash simulation I showed a few students who came in during lunch. It shows the relative scale of everything. It's really amazing.

-P.

Lessons learned

So, I have bombed a few times, but every time I bomb, I learn something new. Here is a quick list of things I've found myself doing that other student teachers should try to avoid.

-Be aware of what students know. If you're only coming in a few days a week, and the teacher entrusts you with a lesson, don't assume to know what the students know and don't know. I tried to run an activity where students had to answer some questions. Turns out, they hadn't covered any of the material previously, so they were floundering, and I was so busy doing one on one help I didn't notice the entire class falling apart. So, figure out what they know. Formative assessment and unit context.
-Don't get distracted when you have the class's attention. I did that a few times today, where I used the attention-getting signal, then completely blew it by seeing a student raise their hand asking for help, and forgetting that, hey, I need to remind them to finish in 5 minutes.
-In math, if the students need to write out all their work, so do you. I was trying to do systems of equations in my head, and while I can do that to some extent, I still make mistakes. Better to write it out instead of making a fool of yourself.
-This is more geared towards middle schoolers, but applies to everyone: Don't assume they know what to do, because they don't. You need to be painfully explicit with directions. The really amazing thing is, they listen and obey most of the time.
-Learn when to ask for help, or when to separate students. Don't be afraid to ask students if they need to move. Often, they will say they do. If they aren't doing the work, move them. If they're making some noise, but the work is getting done, it's your call.

Also, after class, I visited a local online academy within my district. I've become acquainted with two of the staff there, and we enjoy talking. The bricks and mortar location is a strange mix between a server room and a classroom, and one of the teachers reminds me of an amalgamation of an IT guy and a teacher. The more I learn about these types of schools, the more I want to get hired in one. The idea of using web based education to create that hard focus on content matter is amazing, plus the idea of cutting out the classroom management and simply focus on curriculum design and personal motivation, that really appeals to me. With that in mind, I've decided to make that one of my ideal jobs, and steer towards district placements as much as possible. On the bright side, the connections I made at the online academy seemed very happy to help, as they really like to see someone who is there because they are passionate about that type of learning, not just because they got RIF'd. They also gave me some really good suggestions on how to enhance my resume, which I will probably pursue over student teaching if there's time, and if not, over summer.

Also, I'm meeting with some social justice educators about internet literacy tomorrow. I've been holding off my social justice post for a while, but once I've had that conversation, I'll probably have a cool post ready.

-P.

Busy!

Sorry for not posting much. I went in Monday-Wednesday this week, and taught for at least 50% of that time. I've been making a lot of mistakes, but finding that when I teach the same lesson again the next period, the mistakes diminish greatly. I'm also getting a hang on classroom management, but seeing my cooperating teacher take the reins to teach something... It's humbling. Good teaching seems so effortless, but it really isn't.

Also, my final projects are all coming to a head, so that's eating up my free time. And there's a comic convention this weekend, and William Shatner is going to be there. I really would like to see William Shatner at some point in my life, so I've got to make it. If I can make good progress on one of my final projects by that point, I will allow myself to go. And frankly, I need a good distraction, these last few days have been some of the most stressful in recent memory. Thankfully, the head prof has acknowledged our stress, and is being understanding, bumping back due dates a few days here and there for sanity's sake.

Anyhow, I've got a lot to talk about, but right now, I'm far to exhausted. Thanks for reading.

Also, a little treat: Asteroid discoveries between 1980 and now. It's very pretty, and pretty awesome.


-P.

Day 2, TEACH!

So, I taught another full period. Actually, over a full period- I am slowly taking over the science portion of the 4/5th period science math block, and yesterday, I taught over an hour of science.

Last time, I was disorganized, nervous, and clumsy. This time, I planned smart, instead of creating an ordered list of things to do, I made a list of things that would contribute to student learning, and that made all the difference. That, and not freaking out. The overall result was 100% better, and the teacher commented that I did really well.

It feels great.

Yesterday, in my Culture of Secondary Schools class, a number of recent graduates of the program came in and talked about their experience. They all had jobs, so that was very promising, the only one who wasn't a full time teacher was doing subbing, and was in the Army, so he had no interest in doing long term teaching at this point. The rest of them were all employed relatively locally, and all seemed to be doing what they wanted. What was weird was seeing a few dopplegangers of people in our current cohort in last year's- there were around 4 people who really reminded me of people in my cohort, including a guy with a lot of my mannerisms and similar appearance. That was a little spooky, but at the same time, rewarding to see what I might be in a year.

On the more somber side, they all outlined what is to come- Student teaching will leave you exhausted. Your first year of teaching will leave you half dead. But they also gave us a lot of advice- Seek out help. Collaboration is key. Self care, self care, self care. Be humble with parents. You can get a lot of free stuff from the community if you are a teacher. Don't give up, and if you work hard, your hard work will pay off. Don't make mountains out of molehills. Drink beer. Make a support network. Use the internet to your advantage.

It was great to meet some graduates, and see that, hey, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now is a really hard time to be a teacher, especially with the financial crisis Washington is facing, but they all seemed to be swimming, not drowning, and the overall experience was one of hope, something that I think a lot of our cohort has needed lately. I see a lot of bags under eyes, a lot of exhaustion, and in a few people, trace signs of depression. It's hard to witness that happening to people who I've been together with extensively since last summer, people who have become like family to me, but at the same time, I hope that they have a good support network. I think I've been pretty lucky in that respect, I have a lot of friends who cheer me on, and they have been really understanding. I don't really get to thank them all that much, but their support has been one of the big things keeping me from going off on the deep end.

In any case, I'm going on a field trip this Thursday with my class to test water purity. This should be really cool, and I'll post about it later. I really should get a camera, so I can actually document some of this.

-P.